WARD CLEAVER IS PUNKER THAN THOU

I defy you to find a man more bad-ass, more punk, more hard-core than right-wing conservative champion of moral values and ordained Methodist minister Ward "the Cutter" Cleaver. Architect, Sea Bee, All Around American Bad-Ass. The man who heard every morning at breakfast, "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the beaver last night?"
As if.
Back of the hand, baby. Backhand boogie if I don't get my toast and juice in a timely fashion.

Okay, insanity aside, you may be asking, "Why are you claiming that Ward Cleaver is the All American B.A.? What makes Ward so punk?"
I'll tell you: Punk, rebellion, going against the status quo. Today the status quo is the single parent family, the unwed mother, allowing children free reign to 'express themselves and grow' into an irresponsible asshole adult. Today the status quo is all about punishing the very people that made this nation economically viable. Today the status quo is about a gynocracy that demands equality in the form of tipping the balance completely in their favour. And that is why Ward "the Cutter" Cleaver is punk. He stands for the complete opposite of today's irresponsible, decadent status quo.
Ward, where are you when we need you?
Where are you to take us under your wing and with a stern yet kind face, tell us where we have gone wrong, giving us the subtle, but firm nudge toward the right way of life?
Where are you Ward, the strong, commited and loving father figure? We are left with nothing but dumb dad comedies and commercials depicting our stupidity for having the misfortune to have been born with a penis.
Where is the man that fought in WWII, came home and raised two strapping boys and kept his wife in pearl necklaces?
Where is Ward now? Where is the man that could instill respect and fear with a look and a word without having to resort to the beatings that Wally and the Beaver alluded to, but never received?
Who will lead us now?
So take that all you EMO kids and you anti-establishment rebels who buy your "punk" gear at Hot Topic. Take that, you guy wearing the shirt that proclaims in white and black your individuality that you bought at a corporate chain store. Take that you faggots with your hoodie sweatshirts adorned with rubber spikes.
Take that Rosie O' Fatarse and Ellen Degenerate.
You are not the rebels anymore. Ha! You are the fucking Evil Empire. You won. Your way of life is the accepted norm. We are the outcasts now. We are the victims. We are the real rebels.
And that's why Ward Cleaver is punker than you will ever be.

Q.E.D.
V