Effective Persuasive Writing

I just completed this course with Axia College (the junior college of University of Phoenix). A final persuasive essay was due at the end of the course. After previewing it, Rikalonius suggested I post it here...along with the instructors comments on the essay. Here is my work(sans the reference and title page):

Abortion as birth control
Of all the forms of birth control, none are as violent, destructive and dangerous as abortions. The decision to abort a living embryo/fetus is unlike any other contraceptive known to mankind. This single act sacrifices one life to allow another to live without responsibility. As humans we should embrace life, encourage it and protect it. Yet, when it comes to this heinous act, all that sentiment is thrown by the wayside.
Not unlike slavery or euthanasia, abortion devalues human life. Ending the life of an unborn human, we demonstrate that this life is an expendable byproduct rather than a precious gift. This action is repeated and then it becomes accepted as a social norm. So, now the stark reality is that we’ve become a society willing to throw away a life. This truth is seen clearly when we compare views on abortion today versus one hundred years ago. W. Brennan (1983) has shown us that the American Medical Association contrasts itself from its prior view on abortion as “The slaughter of countless children; such unwarranted destruction of life; the work of destruction; the wholesale destruction of unborn infants” to the more modern view of “The interruption of pregnancy; the induced termination of pregnancy; a medical procedure”. This updated outlook makes us less likely to protect human life. The Oath of Hippocrates declares that a medical professional will only protect life, yet doctors kill everyday by performing abortions. Even as a society, we’ve become eager to end the life of an embryo in order to remove the “burden” of being a parent. According to Finer (2005),
Most U.S. women cite more than one factor contributing to their decision to have an abortion: Almost three-quarters say that having a baby would interfere with work, school or other responsibilities; about three-quarters say they cannot afford to have a child; and almost half say they do not want to be a single parent or are having problems with their husband or partner. (pp 110–118)
It is apparent that having a child is viewed as an inconvenience and rather than take proper measures to prevent conception, abortion is used to resolve the issue.
But, let’s call abortion what is really is: murder. The act takes the life of a living, defenseless, innocent human. Some have argued that a human isn’t present at conception. Numerous leaders in the field of medicine and science agree upon the point of which a human life is created. Professor J. Lejeune (1981) stated, “Each individual has a very neat beginning, at conception"; similarly, Professor H. Gordon (1981) testified "It is an established fact that human life begins at conception"; and lastly, Professor M. Matthews-Roth (1981) also confirmed, “It is scientifically correct to say that individual human life begins at conception". The basic principle of mortality is that a being is either alive or dead. If a zygote continues to multiply its cells, then it is obviously alive. So, to say that even killing a human at this early stage isn’t murder is incorrect. Within 18 hours of fertilization 46 human chromosomes are present. The genetic code, which defines every attribute of the human, is now present. Only ignorance or complete denial would refute the fact that stopping the growth process at this point would be killing a human.
What’s worse is that abortion is repeating a horrible incident that will forever scar humanity. There is a direct correlation between modern day abortion and the Nazi attitude on ending a life. The evidence is clear when comparing the Reich Citizenship Law (1935), "Only persons of ‘German or related blood’ can be citizens; this does not include Jews" to our own U.S. Supreme Court, in the infamous Roe vs. Wade case, "The word ‘person’ as used in the fourteenth Amendment, does not include the unborn". Even Hitler’s Euthanasia Order (1939) "The authority of physicians is enlarged to include the responsibility for according a ‘mercy death [to] incurables" bears striking resemblance to another Roe vs. Wade comment, "The abortion decision in all its aspects is inherently and primarily a medical decision and basic responsibility for it must rest with the physician". Even the language doctors’ use today is the same language of killing used before. They distance themselves from the humanity of the fetus as did Nazi physicians from the victims they experimented upon. Sadly, our medical professionals’ obedience to authority has been skewed. They no longer adhere to the highest cause, protecting life, but to the whims of a woman who wants to live without responsibility. How long are we to going continue to sub-humanize the embryo? Every time a human is aborted we emulate the disgusting acts of Nazi controlled Germany.
We are not without hope. There are alternatives to the unwarranted killings. While still taught in today’s schools, abstinence is not properly being promoted by educators. More and more, the use of contraceptives is being pushed. Contraception is not a clear preventative to conception. Even the best contraceptive is not 100% fail-proof, most especially when human errors factor in, e.g. skipping a day of oral birth control, improper use of vaginal contraceptives, or failure of a condom to properly prevent the transfer of fluids. Thankfully, the benefits of abstinence go beyond simply lowering abortion rates. The spread of sexually transmitted diseases would most certainly be interrupted. Teenagers who do opt to have a child if they become pregnant would not have to concern themselves with that awesome responsibility if they were to abstain. Another extremely beneficial alternative to killing a human is adoption. According to Jean Garton (1999), “In the United States today there are two million couples seeking to adopt. Unfortunately, there are only 30,000 children available for placement each year”. With the amount of infertile couples compared to the abortion rate, we should have an almost perfect situation…had those lives not been aborted. In fact, many times willing couples are so desperate that they often adopt special needs children due to the lack of non-handicapped children.
The facts are clear, simple and undeniable: abortion is used as birth control. As a society we’ve gone from protecting innocent lives to destroying them just to be void of the responsibility. How long before we devalue the elderly or handicapped and see them as a similar burden? We have the power to make a change, to stop the murders and create a world that embraces the future. It all starts with a choice, will you stand up and defend the life of a defenseless human or will you cower in the shadows?


While it is not hugely persuasive, my main goal was to adhere to the requirement of the paper. I did that and thus received 280 out of a possible 300 points. Here is what my instructor had to say about it (some parts might not make sense as I did not paste the requirements which the instructor is referring to):

This was definitely a persuasive essay that met the minimum word requirements and addressed one of the 5 topics to the left. I did not see any evidence of a counter argument, but you submitted your essay as an attachment. You had at least 2 in text citations and 2 corresponding references on your reference page. In addition, your thesis was clearly stated and less than 25 words. Your introduction effectively previewed your main points and your conclusion reviewed those points without adding new information. Finally, your major points were clearly stated and supported by sufficient detail. However, this essay was far too emotionally charged and perhaps that was my fault for allowing you to choose this topic. Your comparison of abortion to the Holocaust was particularly disturbing. You cannot compare a single act (abortion) to a systematically designed plan to annihilate an entire race of people! There is no conspiracy with abortion, it is a choice for each woman. These women do not come together and make a conscious choice to try and eliminate all the fetuses in the world. However, that is exactly what Hitler and the Nazis did with the Jews. Do you see the difference?


Discuss...

BURN WITCH BURN (Slight Return)

I am generally an open-minded type of guy. People have their beliefs and I am okay with that. In fact, there is nothing I can do to stop it. You believe and think what you want, it is your only inalienable right. I mean, how can anyone really stop you?

But, for all that, I have a personal hatred of a few things. We all know vampires are on the list, as well as stupid Ebay ads and my love for killing zombies. Yet I hold a personal disgust and hatred for witches. Wiccans if you must. Still, a witch by any other name burns just as brightly. Heh.

I do. I admit it. I've even dated three of them. This is not why I dislike them so. I want to go on the record as saying that my past relationships with Wiccans has nothing to do with my dislike of them. There, glad we cleared that up. No, the reason I dislike them so is their self-righteous bullshit; their delusions that they worship some ancient Celtic nature religion, and their general uselessness to the world at large.

Point 1: They say that Wicca comes from an ancient Anglo Saxon word that meant wise. Not true. Further, if you worship an ancient Celtic faith, where does an Anglo Saxon word come into it? Stupid bastards.

Point 2: I've never once seen one work an actual spell successfully. I've seen many claim that they can, but when asked to prove it, they always cite some bullshit rule of three that they made up to cover their arses. Shower of bastards. You know, the skraelings had a similar logic about their medicine. If it didn't work it meant that the spirits did not honour your plea, or the other guy's medicine was simply stronger. Isn't that convenient.

Point 3: This bullshit about the "Burning Times". I despise seeing an interview with a witch wherein she talks about how "Christians" did very "Unchristianlike things" to their neighbors. You know, the not loving their neighbors as themselves bit. I suppose this means that if Jesus had been hanging out in the woods and a coven of twats were worshipping a tree he would have been all, "Cool, you dudes do YOUR thing, I'm gonna go over here and do MY thing. We can all just get along, baby." Sure. I'm down with that. Right after I make myself a turd taco for lunch.

Point 4: I've studied this Celtic thing. Took courses on it in college. Conspiciously absent were these practices that these so-called Wiccans seem to claim are ancient and a part of their religion.

Point 5: Talking like Yoda and acting mysterious is all just that, an act. It's a cover for the fact that your so-called religion is bullshit. It's no more real than Jediism. And this is not the time nor the place to get started about these "Jedis", but know that they are full of shit too.

Point 6: Gerald Gardner. The actual inventor of Wicca. He claimed it was ancient as well. I'm not going to delve into it here. If you need to know more about this cunt, look him up online. Believe me, you will find plenty of information out there.

Point 7: Matriarchal bullshit. You are going to sit there and tell me that once upon a time the whole world was matriarchal and you are returning to it. Empowering your feminine self (empower is a fucking buzz word if I ever heard one, I'm ashamed that I even typed it) and rejecting the Patriarchal, male dominated religions like Christianity? I wonder how the matriarchy lost all its power if your magic is so strong. Oh, wait, no magic. Bullshit, made up religion. QED.

Point 8: These stupid made up animal names. Nobody can just be Kathy or Ted. Hell no. They are all Ephemeral Butterflygoddess Jones or some such shite. I know that nuns and suchlike get new names when they take their vows, but even so, those names make sense. If this is such a Celtic religion (lying bastards) then why not some Celtic names? Here is a Celtic name: Setanta. Here is another Celtic name: Lugh. Here is NOT a Celtic Name: High Priestess MorningGlory Dragonfly. And who is this person? Here is a cut and paste from her website:

History

The College of Wicca and Old Lore was founded in 1999 by High Priestess MorningGlory Dragonfly. As then owner of Herbs and Arts, she saw more Pagans in Denver seeking instruction in the Craft than there were teachers.

MorningGlory was given a vision and challenge to create a Pagan community to teach students and also prepare teachers to carry on teaching in the Wicca.

Point 9: Art and propaganda. The majority of wiccans are overweight or crack whore thin, with the bulk being of the former. So naturally on their websites and the covers of their books they use artwork of very slim, scantilly clad women in the woods. Is this the goddess? Is this feminism? Is this the equality sought after? This is not just propaganda, it is self-deception, and that is the worst lie of all: the lie told to oneself.

Point 10: No actual ethos. It's all just make it up as you go with those twats. It attracts effiminate men and frightening women. I'd love to get a grant to study the correlation between obesity and predisposition towards Wiccanism. And I think you know what I mean. They are like hippies, but with an even less codified and useful belief system. At least hippies TRIED to make a positive change in the world. With these Wiccan twats you just get people that want to be conspicuously different and then use that as a talking point for complaining about being treated differently. It's all a game. There is no actual belief there. Just people claiming to be a Wiccan, only not really a Wiccan. I mean, really I worship nature as a force, but reject the idea of a "goddess", I simply pray to the "goddess" as a mental focus for my chants and spells. I'm also a wererabbit who is half dragon and one fifth goose. And a white necromancer.

That right? Fuck off quickly before I set you on fire.

So basically I hate witches and dream my little dreams about the burning times...and I grin.

V.

This post is concerning a question I first put forth to Jinrikisha and which was answered by Rikalonius concerning the holiday known to us as Halloween.

Halloween, Hallowe’en, All Hallows Eve, Samhain. History and anthropology have given us much information about this holiday, but they are often suspect. What do we really know about this holiday? If you do even a minimal amount of internet research you should uncover the following answers (or at least a variety of answers similar to those that follow):

1. Halloween is the Devil’s birthday.

2. Halloween is an ancient pagan festival and one of the most important holidays for wiccans.

3. Halloween was the time when the ancient druids would sacrifice children. If you wanted to be safe you had to give your babies to the druids.

4. Halloween is a time of darkness when the veil between worlds is lifted and the dead can roam freely. People wear masks to hide from the dead.

5. The jack o lantern was originally made from a turnip.

6. Every Halloween hospital emergency rooms fill up with children who have been the victims of malicious adults placing razor blades in apples and poisoning candies.

7. Halloween was originally called Samhain. Samhain was the ancient Celtic god of death and the dead.

That was just a few of the things you can find out from reading the internet. Now, I ask you, how many of those statements are verifiable truths? Historically here is what we know about Halloween:

It is the eve before All Saints Day, which is Nov. 1^st. We also know of an older, pre-Christian festival called Samhain, which as near as we can tell means Summer’s End. Let us look at Samhain. The Celtic culture was dominated by the ownership of cattle. Thus, a harvest festival, while not impossible is inappropriate. However, the ancient Anglo Saxon term for the 9^th month (November in Latin) was blotmonath. Pardon the spelling. Etymologically this means blood month. A month of sacrifice. Let us look at this logically, as a primitive people prepare for winter certain things must be observed. The livestock that will not make it through the winter are slaughtered. Feasting then occurs. Sacrifices are made to the gods. Bonfires, etymologically derived from Bone Fires, are lit. I’m speaking of Europeans here, not all cultures. But note that most cultures developed a festival of the dead or some festival to honour the dead. Feralia (again, pardon my spelling) was the Roman festival of the dead, I believe. Samhain was so for the Celts. Yes, it is said that during that time the veil between our world and other worlds was thinner and that the deceased could return to their families, but was this the case? We have evidence of practices such as leaving food out for the dead that suggest that people believed in such things. Dias de los Muertos in Mexico is an example of an extravagant festival of the dead.

But what of the claims of a night of evil? Samhain? The Lord of the Dead? No. No records of such a being exist. What of the claims of some Christians that it takes away from the worship of Jesus by being an ancient pagan festival? Nonsense. To look at modern Halloween is not to see an ancient Celtic festival or a holy day for a bunch of faggoty fat-arsed tree worshippers with a predilection for feminist fantasy novels, crystal jewelry and an avoidance of soap. To look at modern Halloween is to see an All-American holiday.

THE MODERN HALLOWEEN

I stand by my claims in the past that Halloween is an all-American holiday; at least as it is celebrated today it is. Consider the prime symbol of Halloween, being the Jack O Lantern. European Jack O Lanterns from the past were carved from turnips. However, with significant Irish immigration to this nation the pumpkin was chosen as the new Jack O Lantern. The pumpkin is a plant native to this continent. It is an all-American bit of produce and a symbol of the American harvest. Here in the most powerful capitalist nation in the world we have a holiday which is not recognized federally and yet earns the most money for retailers save for Christmas. Other nations don’t have Halloween. They have their own Christmas and their own national day, like our Independence Day, but they don’t have a Halloween. It’s about community. It is a night when you visit neighbors you live around daily but to whom you would not say three words normally. A village feeling comes over the community. Soon winter will arrive and we will all come home to early darkness and shut ourselves away inside our homes to ward off the cold. It’s a very nice time, really.

If I may quote my old college professor, Dr. Glosecki (who taught my Viking Lit class), “We live in a time that is technologically advanced but mythologically depleted. I think people hunger for some sense of mystery.”

I agree. Look at people turning to New Age religions. Once upon a time we had a creation story. Then evolution was pushed onto us with no opposing ideas presented in the educational system. Children are taught the scientific method by a system that has disregarded it in favour of Western Scientific Materialism, which is just another religion. They are taught to question what feels right instinctually, but to accept the existence of a thing they cannot prove their direct experience, such as the Moon. People hunger for a mystical experience. I have nothing against churches that hold “harvest parties” instead of Halloween parties. I have nothing against churches that have a ‘scared straight’ style horror house to show us how we are all going to Hell if we don’t get saved. That’s their version of spreading the word. Doesn’t work for me, but that’s cool. So if going out on Halloween night and getting the Hell scared out of you makes you turn away from the scientific material world for a bit and ponder why Peter Cushing was the best Van Helsing ever and that Dracula belongs staked, that’s cool too. I love Halloween. I love the Autumn. Maybe I’m morbid. Maybe I’m even wrong. I say I am a Christian, not the best Christian, but then I didn’t think it was a competition. I can reconcile my Christianity and my love of this “pagan” festival without feeling a liar or that I am making excuses. Although it chafes me to know that the wiccans, with their made up 20^th century neo-pagan bullshite religion treat it as special (even though they are just plain wrong, again, and if they claim to be so bloody Celtic, why don’t they celebrate it the right way?), I will still celebrate it and enjoy it fully. I will watch It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and indulge in dressing up. And I encourage other Americans to do so as well. It is a community event. Unlike Christmas, which while it may make you feel your neighbours are not so bad and you may send out Christmas cards on your block, is still about visiting your family. Halloween is the village coming together. It’s what Thanksgiving SHOULD be, but instead Thanksgiving is about getting together with the family, fighting about who your cousin Nancy is blowing THIS time and why Uncle Phil and Aunt Dot aren’t “intimate” anymore and how Uncle Phil’s new secretary seems to have much nicer jewelry than her salary should allow. And Grandpa says that cousin Ned “isn’t sensitive, he’s a fuckin’ pansy.” Then you watch football and wonder how that green foamy shit with the marshmallows in get to the dinner table anyway. It wasn’t in the fridge when I got here, I checked and I saw everyone come in the front door and nobody was carrying it. Where in the hell did that come from and how is it that although nobody is seen eating it, it always has at least three portions missing by night’s end.

THREE PET PEEVES:

1. People who mispronounce the word daemon.

2. The use of the term Homophobic to mean anyone that doesn't want to be a faggot.

3. Wiccans.

Share and enjoy,
V.

"Pink 5 standing by."

I was first familiarized with Stacey a couple of years ago when the first Star Wars movie contest, authorized by George Lucas, was sponsored at Atomfilms. If anyone reading this has not seen Pink 5. It is well worth the watch. This director could have a good career in comedy.

Last night I somehow stumbled across Atomfilms latest Star Wars fanfilm contest. I saw that Pink 5 was on it's third film Return of Pink 5, Vol 1. Apparently I missed Pink 5 Strikes Back. But all three are darn good fanfilms, and quite funny. All feature the adventures of socialite, Valley Girl, Stacey as she is intermixed into Star Wars lore, just out of view of the films heroes during famous Star Wars events, similar to way Forest Gump was always somehow associated with well known events in Americana. The direction is witty, and the actors very good compared to 90% of the fanfilms out there. I was very impressed with the actors and costumes. Although the 3D is good, the animation is sometimes lacking. The director does much better with live action, and blue-screen 3D backdrops than he does with say, and X-wing taking off. Still, it takes little away from the overall concept.

Congratulations to Trey Stokes for your accomplishments. You can read more about Pink 5 here:

Pink 5 blog

EDIT: Also, against my better judgement I watched the winner of this years contest, Pitching Lucs. It turned out my better judgement didn't know what the hell it was talking about. This movie is very, very funny, and.... very well done.