WORLD'S FINEST part II

We’re all friends here but in order to have a meeting of the minds sometimes things have to be said that offend others. I don’t mean any disrespect to Jinrikisha, as I know he is quite the fan of Superman, but just the other day I had a go at Batman and now I feel it is only fair to give Superman his due.

Let me establish a few things first. When I lambasted Batman that was unexpected; I’ve never had a thing against Batman before. Superman, on the other hand, I’ve despised for most of my life. I just don’t like the character. I don’t like his concept, I don’t like his execution, and I don’t understand the mentality that makes a person a Superman fan. Yet there are plenty of fans out there, so if someone can explain it to me, please do.

From a psychological perspective, our heroes are either reflections of who we wish we were or who we believe we are. In order to have a hero it must represent something to you or about you. I find that different heroes represent different archetypes and thus do their fans adhere to them for differing reasons. Superman is functionally omnipotent. Not only is he invulnerable, super strong and can fly, but he also seems to have a slew of powers and abilities that are not purely physical. A character like the Hulk is defined by his super strength. Hulk is all about strength and yet he is weaker than Superman. On his worst day, Superman can pick up an aircraft carrier and on his best day he can apparently turn a black hole into a square or some shite. He has no discernable weaknesses aside from kryptonite and magic. Thus, I put it to you that the ability to derive enjoyment from reading the adventures of such a hero, who simply cannot be challenged, is the worst type of mental masturbation/wish fulfillment fantasy.

Anything I write runs the risk of seeming as though I cribbed someone’s act, and I don’t want that, so understand that this is coming from the heart. I don’t understand the DC universe’s concept of superheroes and power levels. There are only two types: Supermen and Batmen. You are either all powerful (like Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Wonder Woman) or you have no powers to speak of by comparison. Thus why does any superhero team need a Batman, a Flash, an Aquaman or any other second stringers like Green Arrow when they allow Superman on the roster? Is it in case a wizard made out of kryptonite shows up and starts kicking arse?

If Batman wears a Swiss Army Belt full of gadgets for every occasion, then Superman is the Swiss Army Man of Steel. He has a power for everything; full spectrum analysis vision, super photographic memory, super computer fast reasoning skills, and the strength to impose his will upon the world. Where is the drama? Where is the challenge? Where is the compelling storytelling?

DC finally went too far when they killed him. They created a superbeing specifically to kill Superman and then had the Man of Steel sacrifice his own life to save us. Then we were treated to all the soppy “World Without a Superman” baloney and the four different Supermen. Blah, Blah. We did fine before he came to this planet, we could do fine without him. I think the guy with the magic power ring that does anything except effect the colour yellow can cover for Superman. And for those yellow emergencies we have Martian Manhunter. Then they brought him back. How touching. How crap. It ruined the heroic nature of his sacrifice.

Finally, this whole Superman, flag waving, All American Boy bullshite is unfounded. This is supposed to be the land of the free; the land where every man can become more than his birth would dictate through perseverance, hard work and connections. But what message is Superman sending? He is better than us because he was BORN better. He is an alien, and perhaps there is a message there, sure, but the fact is his powers have more in common with the old European notion of noble blood and divine right of kings than they do with America. Superman is the Ubermensch, better by breeding, better by DNA, better by everything. He has no flaws that we as humans do not also have. We can’t just grab a chunk of kryptonite either; it is highly radioactive and causes cancer. We can’t cast magic spells willy nilly, and if we could we would be superheroes and thus measured on a different scale. Thus his flaws are not so dramatic after all. A simple Achilles Heel. Funny thing about Achilles, his one weakness was no weaker than the next Greek’s heel. So I cannot abide Superman. I cannot abide the message he puts forth. I cannot understand the mentality that enjoys the exploits of Can’t Fail At Anything Man. But I’m willing to listen because I want to know.